Category Archives: Humour

Ronald Reagan’s Sly Wit

A reporter confronted Ronald Reagan about a promise he’d made. “Mr. President, you said that you’d resign if your memory started to fade.” “I don’t remember saying that.”

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Two aliens discuss invading Earth

Alien One: I’ve researched our invasion plans. Alien Two: What’s your report? Alien One: Humans have harnessed the power of the atom and created extremely powerful weapons. Alien Two: What’s your recommendation? Alien One: Invade. They’re designed for slaughtering each … Continue reading

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Joe and the Three Legged Chicken

Joe was driving and noticed a chicken keeping pace with him. Just then the chicken accelerated using all three legs. Joe followed the chicken down the lane into a barnyard. ‘Did you see a chicken running really fast?’ he asked … Continue reading

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Ethnic Food

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Getting a job in an Estate Agency*

When applying for a job as an estate agent, the interviewer worried that my CV was a bit small. I said actually it’s really cosy and I was immediately hired. * Estate agent = real estate in US Alex Kealy … Continue reading

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Misplaced kindness

My friend only eats ‘ethical meat’. Animals who’ve lived a happy life. That’s all wrong. Ethical meat eaters should eat unhappy animals. Ismo Leikola, Edinburgh Festival 2015 (slightly altered)

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True love just left the building

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A quip from Matt LeBlanc [a star of Friends]

Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling.

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“I forgot my surf board”… “Me too. What a shame.”

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A good reason to go to a good tailor

Joe went to his doctor complaining about terrible headaches. His doctor said, “It’s curable but it requires castration. Your testicles are pressing on your spine, which is causing your headaches.” Joe was shocked and depressed but felt had no choice … Continue reading

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