Book Review: Tim Dorsey ~ Florida Roadkill (1999)

Carl Hiaasen created zany Florida novels about the environment, corruption, casual murder and destruction all laced with quickfire humour.  He created a genre. Tim Dorsey cashed in. This book is a mini-homage by including Hiaasen in the narrative.

So how did he do?

If you like slap-stick humour where the principal feature is brutal, sadistic murder plus massive drug-taking and crime as a lifestyle choice this is for you. Before you get too sanctimonious – saying to yourself that you are above all that sort of thing – think of it as a cartoon. Over the New Year I saw a few Tom and Jerry cartoons with my grandson and they were a Dorsey novel. Zany, sadism, casual violence and humour all wrapped up in a wonderful package. Timeless cartoons which ran from 1940 to 1958 with other versions since then – all of them very popular.

I love Hiaasen and this isn’t as good BUT it relieves the diet of police procedurals. I’ll be reading more – there are many more – until I reach a point when I dislike them.

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Change is hard to take

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Hospital Visit

Fred: “I visited Jim in hospital and took some grapes and a bottle of whisky.”

Bob: “That was nice of you.”

Fred: “Yes. I don’t think he’d noticed they were gone when I left.”

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Cooking for Slackers: Gourmet French Toast

Eggs and a frying pan are a slacker’s best friend. Basic eggy bread is wonderful. An egg and a slice of bread with a very hot frying pan. Soak the bread with frothy egg and slap it in – flip – watch it sizzle and Voila!

Ingredients for Gourmet French Toast:

An egg

A slice of bread

A rasher of bacon

Tabasco

Prep Time: Two minutes

Technique:

Vigorously whisk egg (vigorous is optional but is nicer)

Splash of Tabasco or any other tasty spice available

Cut rasher of bacon into squares

Cooking Time: Two minutes

Frying pan

Heat oil until it’s nearly on fire

Evenly distribute bacon and stir fry until crisp (this is quick)

Slap bread in for a quick fry of ONE side

Press bacon onto the uncooked side of bread

Pour egg onto the bacon and bread. Flip for instant cook

Keep pressing down with spatula for a perfect frying experience

Outcome

Gourmet French Toast and haut cuisine

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Grandma Rules!

And another great example!

 

 

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School Uniform: Time for a Re-think

Causation means that a change in one variable causes a change in another variable.

Correlation means there is a statistical association between variables.1

In Britain school uniform is a quasi-religion. Not wearing it can be punished by exclusion from school. Why? What’s the connexion between clothing and education? Schools deny places to children whose parents refuse to buy school uniform. Conformity is placed above access to the legal right to education.

School uniforms aren’t cheap workwear.2 School is compulsory and uniforms have become a tax on learning. The educational case for school uniforms must be either causal or correlational to justify compulsory costs and the loss of personal freedoms.

Rishi Sunak was tieless when visiting Bolsover School, Derbyshire.3 He probably mortified the head teacher,Students not wearing the correct school uniform will be asked to loan the item from the school store; failure to do so will result in a period of isolation”.4 Sunak’s unexpected subliminal message is, ‘Ties are pointless control freakery.’

School ties are a trivial starting point. It’s difficult believing in a causal or correlational link between ties and educational achievement. “Ties will be available for students to purchase on their first day for £8.00.”5  (my emphasis) Tupton Hall School, Chesterfield, insists students wear ties, as does all the dozens of schools I’ve researched. Tupton Hall is rated ‘Well Below Average’5 by the government with 31% achieving grade 5 English and Maths –  well below Derbyshire’s 41%.6

Brookfield Community School is also in Chesterfield. It is ferocious about non-conformity,

Exemplary standards of appearance and dress supports Brookfield Community School’s commitment to excellence ethos. All students are expected to adhere to the uniform policy at all times….STUDENTS WHO ARE NOT DRESSED ACCORDING TO THE CODE ARE LIKELY TO BE SENT HOME TO CHANGE BEFORE BEING ALLOWED IN LESSONS. WHERE THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE, THE STUDENT WILL BE ISOLATED UNTIL UNIFORM IS RECTIFIED.8 (their emphasis)

Brookfield is ‘Well Above Average’ despite 44% of their students not achieving grade 5 in English and Maths.9 This includes 69% of disadvantaged students not reaching this benchmark.10 (Grade 5 English and Maths is critical to accessing gateway opportunities post-16.)

Discussion

Brookfield isn’t *better* than Tupton Hall because of school uniform. Their uniforms are similar and both rigorously enforce it.

Tupton Hall has 27% (427 students) eligible for the government’s Pupil Premium. Their Pupil Premium payment is £477.7K, which is spent on strategies intended to close the attainment gap.11. Have they considered the possibility the school ethos itself is negative, creating barriers for disadvantaged students? This is an urgent point and puts the enforcement of uniform into perspective. 89% of Tupton Hall’s disadvantaged students don’t achieve grade 5 English and Maths. Worse: 74% don’t achieve the entry level of grade 4 English and Maths.

Brookfield has 12.3% (220 students) eligible for the government’s Pupil Premium. Their Pupil Premium is £304.77K some of which is diverted to non-disadvantaged students, “These interventions may involve both disadvantaged and non-disadvantaged students.”12 The chasm between successes at Grade 4 English and Maths (69%) and Grade 5 (31%) indicates failure by the school in not narrowing this critical gap.

The pervasive failure of British schools to meet the educational needs of the disadvantaged has become a pseudo-correlation. Schools don’t critique failure. Large numbers of Britain’s children are punished because they’re *improperly* dressed. This can’t be right in the face of catastrophic failure rates at GCSE. They aren’t failing because they aren’t wearing uniform. There’s no causal or correlational link between uniform and achievement. Brookfield has high failure rates in a crucial metric and is rated ‘Well Above Average’. Failure is institutionally accepted.

Addendum: School ties – a tax on learning

Bolsover School  855 students x £6 for tie = £5,130

Brookfield School 1107 students x £6 for tie = £6,642

Tupton Hall School 1556 students x £8 for tie = £12,448

These figures are a minimum. It’s unlikely that students would only have a tie for their entire five years in school.

Notes

1 Correlation vs. Causation | Difference, Designs & Examples (scribbr.com)

2 Average cost of school uniform 2023 – Schoolwear Association The London Borough of Havering has 18 academy secondary schools and they all demand school uniform as a condition of entry

3 Migrants: Sunak vows to ‘take on’ anyone ‘standing in the way’ of Rwanda plan | News UK Video News | Sky News British MPs no longer need to wear ties in parliament John Bercow: MPs don’t need to wear ties – BBC News

4 The Bolsover School – School Uniform

5 Uniform – Tupton Hall School See plate 8 for a very detailed series of instructions on what wearing a school uniform means. MPs in parliament no longer need to wear ties John Bercow: MPs don’t need to wear ties – BBC News

6 All schools and colleges in Derbyshire – Compare school and college performance data in England – GOV.UK (compare-school-performance.service.gov.uk)

7 Secondary – Tupton Hall School – Compare school and college performance data in England – GOV.UK (compare-school-performance.service.gov.uk) It is 31% below national averages. The presentation of GCSE results is opaque Exam Results – Tupton Hall School

8 Brookfield Community School – Student Uniform (brookfieldcs.org.uk)

9 All schools and colleges in Derbyshire – Compare school and college performance data in England – GOV.UK (compare-school-performance.service.gov.uk)

10 Results by pupil characteristics – Brookfield Community School – Compare school and college performance data in England – GOV.UK (compare-school-performance.service.gov.uk) Current 2023 GCSE results aren’t available at the time of writing 19th December 2023 Brookfield Community School – Exam Results (brookfieldcs.org.uk)

11 Pupil premium strategy statement (tuptonhall.org.uk)

12 Pupil premium example statement (secondary) (brooksidecomm.s3.amazonaws.com)

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A rewarding encounter

Jim, a social worker, asked Fred: “What time is it?”
“I’m sorry, I don’t have a watch.”
“No worries! The main thing is we talked about it.”

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The Slacker Lifestyle

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Book Review: Ben MacIntyre ~ Agent Sonya (2020)

Historians often write beautifully and are highly literate. But they don’t create new genres. MacIntyre has pulled off the feat of writing biography, history and thrillers: simultaneously.

He chooses remarkable and well documented stories. This provides a structure to work on and avoid the tedium of heavy-lifting in the archives. The provenance of his stories is established before he starts and he pours magic onto them. Unlike historians writing history MacIntyre doesn’t burden readers with footnotes. The have confidence that they’re unnecessary. General readers trust MacIntyre in a way that historians probably wouldn’t.

Agent Sonya is a wonderful story of human interest. She abandoned her son for the greater cause of Communism!!!!; transformed herself from an upper middle-class German Jew into an Oxfordshire housewife; a Jewish atheist who attended a village Church; and an international spy who used radio links with Moscow. And this isn’t mentioning her love-life, which was always secondary to her service to Communism.

A superb book warmly recommended.

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Selected Quotes from the Safety of Rwanda (Asylum and Immigration) Bill 12th December 2023

James Cleverly (minister) I am confident, and indeed the conversations I have had with the Government’s legal advisers reinforce my belief, that the actions we are taking, while novel and very much pushing at the edge of the envelope, are within the framework of international law…..When the courts find a particular formulation of policy unlawful, it is the job of politicians to listen to their views, respect their views and find a solution.

John Baron (Con) We do not like queue jumpers, which is why illegal immigration grates with us.

Joanna Cherry (SNP)  If Rwanda is now a safe country as a result of the treaty, why is this highly controversial Bill, which is clearly causing great problems in his own parliamentary party, necessary?

James Cleverly  The treaty that I signed last week puts beyond legal doubt the safety of Rwanda….The treaty makes clear that anyone relocated to Rwanda cannot be removed from Rwanda to another country except back to the United Kingdom….This is how we will save lives at sea. 

Yvette Cooper (Lab) This should be a debate about how we prevent lives being lost, about how we strengthen our border security, about how we stop dangerous boat crossings, and about how we fix the broken asylum system. Instead, we have just got total Tory chaos….a failing scheme that is only ever likely to cover a few hundred people—less than 1%…Since the Prime Minister said he was going to end asylum hotel use, it has gone up by a further 10,000, because he is failing.

Layla Moran (LD) I have a constituent who has exhausted his leave to remain and wants to go back to Fiji. He applied to the voluntary returns service in September and gave his passport to the Home Office in December—that was in 2022. The local church is going to pay for his ticket, yet he still cannot return. If the Home Office cannot deal with cases like that, how can we trust it with anything else?

Yvette Cooper (Lab) There are 40,000 people whose asylum applications have failed and who have not been returned, and 17,000 people the Government have just lost—they do not even know where they are…. If Rwanda is only going to take a few hundred people a year, it is going to take the Government over 100 years to send those 15,000 people who have arrived since they passed the last law…if someone commits a terrible crime in Rwanda, the Rwandan justice system does not have to deal with them, but can just send those criminals back to the UK

Caroline Lucas (Green) The right hon. Lady is making a powerful case that seeking to legislate by assertion that Rwanda is safe is as dangerous as it is ridiculous.

Robert Jenrick (Con)  It is a great compliment to our country that so many want to come here, but it is not sustainable….I have gone with.. Mrs Elphicke to meet her constituents whose homes have been broken into and whose lives have been ruined by illegal migrants. I have spent time with.. Sir Conor Burns and read about his constituent who was murdered by an asylum seeker, who posed as a child and then killed somebody on the streets of Bournemouth….Were there a Labour Government… we would see a massive increase in the number of small boat arrivals, and the people smugglers would be celebrating.

Alison Thewliss (SNP) People will continue to put themselves in small boats because they feel there is no alternative. They come to reunite with family because of historical ties and because of the English language…For every person arriving through the Afghan schemes, 17 Afghans are crossing the channel in a small boat….For a Government to disapply human rights when it suits them, and instruct courts and public bodies to do likewise, is deeply troubling….If the UK Government were to remove everyone who crossed in a small boat last year, it would cost £7.7 billion.

Jeremy Corbyn (Ind) Is she aware that the people in Calais who are trying to cross the channel are homeless, poor, desperate, and often victims of war and human rights abuses, and that walking away from international law and international conventions will not offer protection to them…

Joanna Cherry (SNP)  If the Government want to breach their international legal obligations, am I not right, based on Supreme Court authority, that they will actually have to withdraw from the treaties to which they are committed?

Diana Johnson (Lab) …. the Rwanda policy required a ministerial direction to the Home Office permanent secretary to get the scheme under way. Why? It was because the permanent secretary was not convinced that the scheme constituted value for money…Sir Edward Garnier KC, has said, “It’s rather like a bill that has decided that all dogs are cats.”

George Howarth (Lab) The problem, however, is that the Government too often confuse slogans with policy, and in so doing they fail to take account of the principles upon which a realistic policy should be based…. Bluntly, we are not trusted to be a reliable and constructive partner, and our international influence has diminished to the extent that other countries simply do not take us seriously. 

Robert Neill (Con) After a good deal of hesitation, I shall support the Bill tonight. My hesitation is real because, for me, the Bill goes as close to the wind constitutionally as one can go….Frankly, the day the Conservative party thinks that the ends justify the means and ignores the principle of comity, and the day it thinks that any single policy objective overrides the importance of our constitutional checks and balances, is the day it ceases to be the Conservative party as most people would recognise it

Chris Bryant (Lab) …the idea that someone who is not deterred by a dangerous journey in a dinghy across the most crowded sea lane in the world will be deterred by this flimsy piece of nonsense is just laughable.

Alistair Carmichael (LD) Let us not forget that we are dealing with the consequence of the refusal of this Government to prosecute the case for safe and legal routes. Why do we not find people from Ukraine or Hong Kong trying to cross the channel in small boats? It is because we offer them safe and legal routes.

Priti Parel (Con)  The partnership with Rwanda was established as a world-leading and innovative way to tackle the challenges caused by the mass migration and displacement of people. It was carefully designed with our friends in the Rwandan Government to do one thing that no one in this House has mentioned today: to raise the international bar on the treatment of asylum seekers and to do so with compassion and support when it comes to their resettlement.

Maria Eagle (Lab) It beggars belief that the Government’s response to the loss of their policy in the Supreme Court is to ask this House to legislate just to declare, “It’s all fine anyway; let’s carry on.”

Conor Burns (Con) When we look back, between 1964 and 1997 the UK’s net migration figures were never lower than minus 87,000 or higher than plus 58,000. Now, it would be regarded as a modest year—a low figure—if net migration were in the several hundreds of thousands

Liam Byrne (Lab) …we moved heaven and earth to ensure that one person who had no right to be here was removed every eight minutes. That was the kind of pace that was needed to send the very clear message that, if a person is found to have no right to be here, they will be removed very quickly. That is the most effective form of deterrence….It is a terrible sight to see the party of Churchill depart so quickly from one of Churchill’s proudest legacies.

Stella Creasy (Lab) This Bill might be called the safety of Rwanda Bill, but it is really the safety of the future of the Tory party Bill.

Danny Kruger (Con) I regret that we have an unsatisfactory Bill before us. I cannot undertake to support it tonight. I hope that the Government will agree to pull the Bill and allow us to work with them and colleagues across the House to produce a better Bill; one that respects parliamentary sovereignty and satisfies the legitimate concerns of colleagues about vulnerable individuals. For instance, we can do better on safe and legal routes. 

Caroline Lucas (Green) Its so-called deterrent is not a deterrent to someone fleeing torture or persecution, who has already put their life at risk by taking to one of the busiest shipping lanes in dangerous, inflatable boats. The Bill has nothing to do with that, in any case; it is a performative piece of cruelty by a dying Administration and a grotesque waste of money that is neither practical nor strategic…. there is no tweak or amendment that can improve something that is rotten to its core.

Simon Fell (Con)  …a deterrent, one that stands up and says to the criminal gangs and the people traffickers that their trade will not work, and that they can try to put people on boats across the channel, but that those boats will be intercepted and their journey will not end in Britain. 

Tommy Sheppard (SNP) Immigration is always couched as a problem to be dealt with, rather than an opportunity to be embraced….There is talk about disrupting the traffickers’ business plan, but it was gifted to them by the Government, who closed down the legal routes to this country, thereby opening up these business opportunities

Natalie Elphicke (Con)  If we stop the boats, we save lives—and we do not just save lives; we cut crime, and we put a stop to the criminal gangs who smuggle people….I have stood on the white cliffs of Dover with Prime Minister Boris Johnson and with the current Prime Minister. I want to stop the boats, but I am gravely concerned that the Bill in its current form will not do what the Government want

Clive Efford (Lab) ….Rwanda will offer only 100 or possibly 200 places a year. This is going to cost £2 million per person on the current figures, which is an incredible achievement by the Rwandan Government.

Jackie Doyle_Price (Con) …the ridiculous place this week where Conservative Members are all falling out with each other over a small element of a bigger policy. That is completely stupid, and the only people who benefit are those on the Opposition Benches.

Sammy Wilson (DUP)  ….legal procedures and to give us lectures on comity, the balance between Parliament and the courts, and everything else. That does not rank too much with people who cannot get their youngsters into a school or the support from the health service that they require, or who find that wages locally are being driven down or rents are being pushed up.

Edward Leigh (Con) It is all so unfair. This morning, I mentioned the case of Maira Shahbaz, who was raped and abducted in Pakistan, and who is still waiting to get here. She is a genuine asylum seeker. So many genuine asylum seekers cannot get here, because illegal migrants are abusing the system….In order to survive and have a hope of winning the general election, the Government must also sort out the problem of legal migration 

Karl Turner (Lab) What does the hon. Gentleman [Leigh] think of the reciprocal arrangement for the Rwandan Government to send asylum seekers to this country?

Kevan Jones (Lab) The Conservative party now sees the courts and judges, not only in this country but abroad, as the enemy. They see lawyers as the pub bore does: as the enemy of the people, lefty lawyers and do-gooders.

Bell Ribeiro-Addy (Lab) We are here to legislate on the dog-whistle, fantasist policies of the Conservative party, who are electioneering when they should be governing, not offering any real solutions to problems and attempting to divert attention from their own failings as a Government. They are wasting the time of this House and squandering the good will of the people of this country.

David Simmonds (Con) I started out as something of a Rwanda sceptic, and having spent many years in local government and seen the cost challenges that face many of our local authorities in supporting refugees and asylum seekers in the UK, it did seem to me a very expensive policy per capita….I reflect on the fact that I am receiving a great deal of lobbying from leading figures in my local authorities, who are enormously concerned that the cumulative cost of accommodating large numbers of people who have arrived in a fairly short space of time means that we are struggling to ensure that access to housing, access to education and access to other important public services is maintained to the standard we would wish.

Liz Saville Roberts (PC). Let us not beat abound the bush: this Bill is in retaliation and is a crass payback for the Supreme Court’s decision on 15 November that the Government’s Rwanda asylum plan was unlawful. It sets a dangerous precedent.

Matt Warman (Con) I know from my own constituency, which is generous and kind, that there are real tensions when five hotels are used for illegal migrants in a town such as Skegness. There is no justification for that, and residents are rightly angry. When we get such issues wrong, we strain the social fabric of our country, and the Government have a duty not just to try to tackle illegal migration, but to strain every sinew to try to tackle it. People who convened a star chamber recently have declared the Bill a “partial solution”—perhaps we should not forget that the very first star chamber started the civil war in England, so maybe we have had enough of star chambers—but we should be alive to the danger in saying that something is a partial solution and is therefore no good. For me, a partial solution is better than no solution.

Florence Eshalomi (Lab) The current situation facing many people fleeing persecution is unacceptable and inhumane, and it gets worse. During their time waiting for a decision, their lives are on hold. They are often stuck in unsuitable accommodation, including a hotel in my constituency.

Nick Fletcher (Con)  Doncaster is full. [Interruption.] I often get challenged, as I just was from the Opposition Benches, when I say as a Christian that Doncaster is full…I do not think it is Christian to promise people a life in this country when we do not have the services for them. I do not think it is Christian to take the best people from developing countries because we do not train our own in this country….We have to tackle immigration, including illegal immigration, because it is not fair.

Chris Stephens (SNP) Is it not a fundamental problem with the Bill that so many people see it as punishing the exploited and not the exploiter? If the Government were serious about this issue, that is exactly what they would focus on. 

James Daly (Con) ….we cannot have a situation where we have 10,000 foreign national offenders in our prison system.

Michael Shanks (Lab)  Lord Cameron, said only a decade ago: “I believe that immigration has brought significant benefits to Britain…this is our island story: open, diverse and welcoming, and I am immensely proud of it-”

Jerome Mayhew (Con) I knock on doors week in, week out, and I have spoken to hundreds, if not thousands, of my constituents over the past few years. Without question, the single most common issue raised in those conversations is illegal migration…

Pete Wishart (SNP) There have been some absurd and ridiculous Bills presented to this Parliament in the course of the past few centuries that it has been in existence, but it would be hard to find a Bill that is more absurd and ridiculous than this one… I say, “Go Rwanda! You have made utter mugs of this chaotic Government.”… Here is a novel idea: why do we not start to consider immigration as some sort of opportunity, a potential boost to our society and communities?

Meg Hillier (Lab) They come to me and we talk about voluntary return, but it is difficult to do that when the Home Office does not return those people’s documents and they have all these problems. These are people who actively want to leave because they know that is their only option, but they cannot do so.

Duncan Baker (Con)  If we do not tackle it with a strong working deterrent, we will see not tens of thousands of people trying to cross into the country, but hundreds of thousands, and that is the forecast we are being shown year after year…The Government’s official release yesterday was the most startling statistic I have read yet. It estimates that if illegal immigration goes unaddressed, the costs of asylum accommodation alone could increase to £32 million per day by 2026, which is equivalent to £11 billion a year.

Patrick Grady (SNP)  I wanted to ask her [Priti Patel] this: if Rwanda is such a desirable place to be deported to, why on earth should deportation there be a deterrent? How will that have a deterrent effect, if the Government are saying, “This is a wonderful, safe and secure place for you to go”? Perhaps more people will come to the United Kingdom in the hope of being sent to Rwanda.

Marie Rimmer (Lab)  The Home Office is working too slowly, as it has previously with passports. Processing claims quicker is the best way to free up hotels. In the past decade, the backlog of asylum claims has risen four times faster than the number claiming asylum. This is ultimately a crisis of the Government’s own making, and it has been years in the making. The system is failing and it needs fixing.

Claire Hanna (SDLP)  The Illegal Migration Act failed…as did the Nationality and Borders Act. This is just red meat for a common-sense group with no common sense, a research group that does no research and a star chamber that has no stars. This Bill is for them and for no one else.

Stephen Kinnock (Shadow minister) The deckchairs have been rearranged, but the Titanic is still steaming towards the iceberg…the current Prime Minister…is desperately trying to cling to power by burnishing his Faragiste credentials to keep the circling vultures at bay….the Home Secretary told us from the Dispatch Box last week that it complied with international law, but the very first page confirms that he is actually not sure that it does.

Michael Tomlinson (Minister) We heard in some of the contributions what I would phrase as the moral case, or the compassionate case, for stopping the boats.

Pete Wishart Can the Minister tell the House how many people will be deported to Rwanda next year?

Tomlinson It will start off in the hundreds and scale up into the thousands

Yvette Cooper (Lab) Is he [Tomlinson] aware that while he has been speaking the New Conservatives, the European Research Group, the Northern Research Group, the Conservative Growth Group and the Common Sense Group have all said that they cannot support the Bill and are going to abstain tonight? Does he accept that this looks like the Prime Minister’s breakfast meeting was a total failure? And does he accept that this is just complete civil war in the Conservative party?

 

Note

All quotations are from Safety of Rwanda (Asylum and Immigration) Bill – Hansard – UK Parliament

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