Cooking for Slackers: The Vegan Option

Working definition: A slacker is a person who will only cook if cornered by hunger.

Slacker cooking: As few ingredients as possible. Minimal preparation.

NB: Alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs don’t count as food.

Recipe One: Baked beans on bread


Thick sliced wholemeal bread1

200gr Heinz baked beans (small can)2


Two slices of thick sliced bread (unbuttered: vegan remember?)

Gently heat baked beans in a saucepan. Don’t heat too fast or the beans get welded to the pan.

Plate up:

Two slices of bread next to each other

Pour beans on them

Get another slice of bread. Tear it in half and mop up the plate. Use the other half to mop up the pan.


Delicious and with virtue signalling for enhanced satisfaction.


Wash up unless you don’t want to.


1 Hovis Wholemeal Thick Bread 800G – Tesco Groceries

2 Heinz Beanz 200gm Small Can (

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