A wine merchants chief wine taster died and they advertised for a replacement. A drunk applied for the job. The HR director gave him the standard tasting test beginning with a glass of wine.

The drunk sniffed it, rolled it round his palate and said, “It’s a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but acceptable.”

The director was impressed and continued the test.

“It’s a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.”

The director abandoned his prejudices and gave him a third glass.

”It’s a Pinot Blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive.”

The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary in a secretive way. She left and returned with a glass of urine. The alcoholic went through his repertoire and said,

“It’s a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and – if I don’t get the job – I’ll name the father”.