The original Naked Gun film, 1988, starred Leslie Nielsen and O J Simpson. It was a wonderful spoof, with a blistering pace, wisecracks, slapstick humour and cartoonish violence. This remake is a *Spoof of a Spoof*. How can that possibly work?
Liam Neeson and Pamela Anderson are terrific. They deadpan their way through a ludicrous storyline – the storyline is redundant. The *Spoof of a Spoof* is acknowledged before the credits emerge. There is a scene of mock worshipping of the previous cast, except for OJ who is rejected by a black police officer! In its own terms it is brilliant. All action, wisecracks, slapstick humour and cartoonish violence….I lapped it up. Park your brains and go for a very liberating ride.
Liam and Pamela are *Stars* but their touch is so light it shades into self-mockery. Pamela *vamping* her way through a jazz song is terrific They ditch stardom and went for it. It is great to see talented actors being serious about slapstick. If you like zany roller-coaster films you’ll love this. If not, you’ll think it’s childish drivel
Doctor: You mean to tell me you didn’t realise this man was dead?
Basil: Well people don’t talk that much in the morning. I’m just delivering a tray, right? If a guest isn’t singing, “Oh what a beautiful morning.” I don’t immediately think, “Oh there’s another one, snuffed it in the night.” Name in the ‘Fawlty Towers Book of Remembrance’.” This is a hotel not the Burma Railway
Q) What does a brilliant detective do after being sentenced to life imprisonment?
A) Solve ultra difficult murders.
Rebus got a life sentence for murdering his criminal nemesis ‘Big Ger’ Cafferty. It was accidental but nonetheless he was found guilty and, as an older criminal, faced dying in prison. For his own protection he was placed in a separation wing. Eventually he was integrated and immediately came under the ‘protection’ of the king-pin. Through an unintended consequence of Big Ger’s death this criminal baron had benefitted enormously from the space created by Rebus’s action. And was suitably grateful.
Rebus needed protection but it came with obligations. When there was a ‘closed door’ murder Rebus saw ex-colleagues hard at work. They saw him as an ally and an ‘insider’. Needless to relate the case was fiendishly complex. Equally needless to relate Rebus aided their triumph.
Sadly, there is a ‘happy-ever-after’ ending. Sadly? Well, what a wonderful piece of character development from the Rebus formula to have him in a prison, which should have been built on. Rankin has done what none of the book-a-year crowd do: throw a curve ball.
Karl Marx would call Adam Carruthers and Daniel Graham ‘lumpen proletariat’ or,less elegantly, ‘losers.’ They achieved 15 minutes of fame by destroying an iconic tree. It was owned by the National Trust. The Trust has millions of middle-class influencers as members. Carruthers and Graham were sentenced to 51 months imprisonment.1
“Carruthers had no previous convictions, arrests, reprimands or warnings.”2 He’s 32 years old, a family man and isn’t a master criminal. Adams had minor offences incurring no prison time.
Who breaks a butterfly upon a wheel?3
The phrase refers to using disproportionate punishment for minor offences. Prisons cost £1,000 a week or about £420,000 for the Sycamore Tree Two’.4 Carruthers, “told the court he could not understand the outcry over the story, saying it was “just a tree”.5 The National Trust said,
“The needless felling of the Sycamore Gap tree shocked people around the country and overseas, demonstrating the powerful connection between people and our natural heritage.”6
The Sycamore Gap Tree
The sentence of the Sycamore Tree Two is ludicrous. British prisons are at breaking point.7 But the sentences would be risible even if prisons were empty.
Prisons are for: Deterrence, Incapacitation and Retribution. The Sycamore Tree Two are imprisoned. Why? To deter others from destroying National Trust trees? A laughable suggestion. Imprison them to prevent them from chopping down more National Trust trees? Adams and Carruthers didn’t say why they destroyed the tree but probably did it for a laugh. Consider Retribution or, its kissing cousin, Vengeance? The National Trust was outraged. They whipped up a mob against Adams and Carruthers and demanded and got ‘blood’.
Lumpen proletariat half-wits against the National Trust? Rationality has been destroyed with Britain’s decline into Dianafication.8 Carruthers casual remark, “…it’s just a tree” enraged the National Trust bourgeoisie. From their viewpoint Carruthers and Graham are alien beings. Mrs Justice Lambert said, “…there had been ‘an extraordinary social impact’ to the offence and that it had caused ‘widespread distress’.9 (my emphasis)
Mrs Justice Lambert isn’t Judge Jeffreys10 but shares his inflexibility in sentencing. Adams and Carruthers had very little and now their lives have been irrevocably ruined because ‘prison makes bad people worse’.11 The Sycamore Tree Two sentence is the same as causing death by dangerous driving (see Addendum).
A tree equals a death by dangerous driving! British sentencing guidelines are insane.
The sycamore tree was valued at £622,19112 because “…[of] the amenity value of the tree.” £600K+ made the crime serious. Adams and Carruthers are in Graham Greene’s ‘Torturable Class,” 13 who are poor people who can be tortured. Lumpen proletariat men like Adams and Carruthers are fodder for the judicial system when it’s being self-righteous.
Imprisoning Adams and Carruthers is an emotional spasm unworthy of Britain.
Addendum: Death by dangerous driving: Sentencing guidelines
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.”
“Hopkins meanwhile, had found Churchill in bed washing down his breakfast with a bottle of white wine. Asked what he meant by this. Churchill replied that he had a ‘profound distaste on the one hand for skimmed milk and no deep-rooted prejudice about wine and that he had reconciled the conflict in favour of the latter.’”
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