8:00 — I made a snowman.
8:10 — A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.
8:15 — So I made a snow woman as well.
8:17 — The nanny of the neighbours complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest.
8:20 — The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two snowmen instead.
8:25 — The vegans at No. 12 complained about the carrot nose, as carrots are food and shouldn’t be trivialised.
8:28 — I get called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 — The Muslim gent across the road wants the snow woman to wear a headscarf.
8:35– A First Nations group stopped and said that the project had been built on what was once their traditional lands without their consultation and approval. They want an apology and compensation.
8:40 — Someone calls the cops who show up to see what’s going on.
8:42 — I’m told the broomstick needs to be removed because it could be used as a deadly weapon. Things get worse after I mutter : “Yeah, if it’s up your ass.”
8:52 — My phone is seized and thoroughly checked while I’m blindfolded and flown to the police station in a helicopter.
9:00 — I’m on the news as a suspected terrorist bent on stirring up trouble at this sensitive time.
9:10 — I’m asked if I have any accomplices.
9:29 — ISIS just claimed responsibility.
Yes, What a morning…