I’ll try anything to be happy-
Cartoons, romcoms, disco nights,
Gambling, drinking, driving maniacally,
Flirting at work, flirting with strangers.
Church- going, volunteering
Being pleasantly aloof and unthreatening,
Buying clothes, shoes, presents,
Looking sad, looking jolly, looking ill.
What more can I do?
Oh to be happy!
Waves of self- indulgence crash against
The carapace of brutality that shields my
Self- absorbed misanthropy. Gutting hope which
Consumes me like a black hole of imploded selfishness
Nothing escapes the narcissism of my life.
Other people are like bouncing balls abandoned
By casual thieves who’d forgotten why they stole.
I know happiness hasn’t eluded me
It has swerved past my grim negativity.
I’ll try anything to happy: except