Fried bread has a terrible reputation for ruining your long-term health. Lovers of fried bread can be fat and unlovely. But that’s correlation not causation. Fried bread doesn’t make people obese and unlovely.¹

• Ethnic Fried Bread

Traditionally fried bread comes with a Full English Breakfast. Not for Slackers it doesn’t. Fried bread is front and centre and taken directly out of the frying pan and eaten stood up. Multi-talented Slackers cook the next slice at the same time.

Ingredients:

Two/Three slices of white bread

Slice of lard

Technique:

Very hot frying pan so the lard is almost bubbling

One slice held firmly down with anything to hand (not your hand obviously)

Flip when well done and lightly fry uncooked side

Continue cooking, until your stomach begs for mercy.

• Baguette Fried Bread

Unlike Ethnic Fried Bread this may not be lethal but definitely shouldn’t be part of your daily diet.

Ingredients:

Rapeseed oil

One baguette cut in half and sliced longways

Technique;

Very hot frying pan

Hold down the baguette slice with crust upwards

(Don’t try to fry the crust – it rolls round and wastes time)

Eat immediately and put another slice in whilst eating

First Outcome: Life without fears for a few minutes

Wonderful fried bread with the added joy of poking health fascists in the eye.

Second Outcome: The health option (if you’re feeling guilty)

Use the spare half baguette for a salad sandwich. It is tasty and will clear your palette and worries.

Note

1 Being fat isn’t a cause of being unlovely, many thin people are unlovely – Ricky Gervais has wise words on this subject