The perils of buying a Google pizza

“Is this Gordon’s Pizza?”

“No sir, it’s Google Pizza.”

“Sorry. I must have called the wrong number.”

“No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.”

“OK. I’d like to order a pizza.”

“Do you want the usual?”

“The usual?”

“According to our data you usually order an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, mushrooms and meatballs with a thick crust.”

“Yes. That’s what I want.”

“May I suggest a pizza with ricotta, sun-dried tomato and olives on a gluten free thin crust?”

“I detest vegetables.”

“Your cholesterol isn’t too good, sir.”

“How the hell do you know?”

“Well we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We’ve got your blood tests for the last seven years.”

“I don’t want your vegetable pizza. I take medication for my cholesterol.”

“According to our database you don’t take medication regularly. You only bought a box of 30 four months ago.”

“I bought more from another drug store and I paid cash.”

“You didn’t withdraw enough to pay for the medication.”

“I have other sources of cash.”

“That doesn’t show on your tax returns.”


“We only use our database with the sole intention of helping you make good decisions.”

Ray E.

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